how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
