Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
