you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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