I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
