dude i'm inner monologue high
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
