I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
