we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
