I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
