yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize