Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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