WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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