where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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