So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i dont even know how to be here
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
