Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
