the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
