Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
