oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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