Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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