I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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