I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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