There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
