sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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