Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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