I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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