saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
