so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
