Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
