I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
