Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
