RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
