you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I didn't notice because vodka
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
