no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My breasts were aching with rage.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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