Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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