Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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