a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
