I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
