I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
