at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize
