My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
