I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
