Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
