If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
