Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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