had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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