oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
