she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
