Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
