if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
