If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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