Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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