beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
