4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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