oh god the rape fog is back!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
