If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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