We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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