I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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