Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize