Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
