She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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