i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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