now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
