True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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