yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
