haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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