She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
