I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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