i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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