I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
