you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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