I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
