if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
