My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
