this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
