Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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