i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
