I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
