My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
