I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
