My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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