new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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